A hypothetical scenario
Jan. 26th, 2018 09:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sagesariaThere's a parent walking through a store with a child. They have a specific task they're doing in this store, but as children often do, the child notices something on the shelves, and suddenly they absolutely must have it! They grab it and hold it up to their parent.
The parent says no.
The parent may have several reasons for saying no. Maybe it's unhealthy for the child. Maybe they don't want to deal with the noise it might make. Maybe they know Grandma is getting them one for Christmas. Maybe they can't afford it. They may or may not fully explain why the answer is no. Saying why might lead to the child attempting to work around the answer given, but the answer would still be no in the end. No matter the reasons, the answer is no.
The child refuses to accept this. They start pestering their parent all throughout the store. "Please please please please pretty please with sugar on top pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaase????" "but I WANT it!" Maybe they'll even attempt bandwagon tactics ("Suzy's parents always gets her what she wants!" "Daddy/Grandma/Uncle Bill/Jim next door always gets me what I want!"), appealing to the parent's desire for the best for their child ("But everybody at school has one and they'll laugh at me if I don't!"), or bargaining with promises they don't intend to keep ("I'll never ask you for anything else if you get me this!") In some scenarios, the child may resort to emotional response; whining, crying, sulking, possibly escalating to rolling on the floor, kicking and/or screaming, threatening self-harm ("I'll hold my breath until I'm blue in the face!"). Some scenarios might even escalate to verbal abuse ("I hate you!" "You never get me anything!" "You don't really love me!" "You're the worst mom ever!"), destroying property, or even physical abuse such as punching or biting. If the spectacle is big enough, there might even be onlookers who roll their eyes and say "Just give it to 'em, lady!" or "If that was my kid I would beat them so hard" or other such unsolicited advice on how to handle the situation.
Somewhere in this hypothetical scenario, whether it's the broken record of 'please' or the violent tantrum, the parent gives in. They sigh, huff "fine!", snatch up the box and put it on the register. The child has successfully gotten what they want.
Is the parent really agreeing to buying it? Are they happy about it just because they said yes in the end?
No. They did it because they wanted their child to stop. Maybe they were just too tired to argue. Maybe they were embarrassed by the people watching. Maybe this was just the fastest way to get this shopping trip over with. No matter the reason, they did it against their will. And the consequences still exist; they're still paying for something they might not be able to afford. Their child may be just as obnoxious or rough with their handling of it as they anticipated. And the child might even take away that the way to get what they want is to behave badly, and may act even worse next time. And in the most extreme situations, they might even continue using their childhood abuse tactics as a teen or even adult. (You scoff, but there are children in the world who mentally and physically abuse their parents) Just because the parent said yes doesn't mean that it's really okay.
They just thought the screaming child was the worse scenario.
And if you can understand that, you can understand why coercing your partner into sex is not okay.
The parent says no.
The parent may have several reasons for saying no. Maybe it's unhealthy for the child. Maybe they don't want to deal with the noise it might make. Maybe they know Grandma is getting them one for Christmas. Maybe they can't afford it. They may or may not fully explain why the answer is no. Saying why might lead to the child attempting to work around the answer given, but the answer would still be no in the end. No matter the reasons, the answer is no.
The child refuses to accept this. They start pestering their parent all throughout the store. "Please please please please pretty please with sugar on top pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaase????" "but I WANT it!" Maybe they'll even attempt bandwagon tactics ("Suzy's parents always gets her what she wants!" "Daddy/Grandma/Uncle Bill/Jim next door always gets me what I want!"), appealing to the parent's desire for the best for their child ("But everybody at school has one and they'll laugh at me if I don't!"), or bargaining with promises they don't intend to keep ("I'll never ask you for anything else if you get me this!") In some scenarios, the child may resort to emotional response; whining, crying, sulking, possibly escalating to rolling on the floor, kicking and/or screaming, threatening self-harm ("I'll hold my breath until I'm blue in the face!"). Some scenarios might even escalate to verbal abuse ("I hate you!" "You never get me anything!" "You don't really love me!" "You're the worst mom ever!"), destroying property, or even physical abuse such as punching or biting. If the spectacle is big enough, there might even be onlookers who roll their eyes and say "Just give it to 'em, lady!" or "If that was my kid I would beat them so hard" or other such unsolicited advice on how to handle the situation.
Somewhere in this hypothetical scenario, whether it's the broken record of 'please' or the violent tantrum, the parent gives in. They sigh, huff "fine!", snatch up the box and put it on the register. The child has successfully gotten what they want.
Is the parent really agreeing to buying it? Are they happy about it just because they said yes in the end?
No. They did it because they wanted their child to stop. Maybe they were just too tired to argue. Maybe they were embarrassed by the people watching. Maybe this was just the fastest way to get this shopping trip over with. No matter the reason, they did it against their will. And the consequences still exist; they're still paying for something they might not be able to afford. Their child may be just as obnoxious or rough with their handling of it as they anticipated. And the child might even take away that the way to get what they want is to behave badly, and may act even worse next time. And in the most extreme situations, they might even continue using their childhood abuse tactics as a teen or even adult. (You scoff, but there are children in the world who mentally and physically abuse their parents) Just because the parent said yes doesn't mean that it's really okay.
They just thought the screaming child was the worse scenario.
And if you can understand that, you can understand why coercing your partner into sex is not okay.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-27 04:01 pm (UTC)