Perfect Dark Bloopers
Jul. 21st, 2004 12:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sagesariaTitle: Perfect Dark Bloopers
Category: Fanfiction, video game, Perfect Dark
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor
Summary: Perfect Dark is not so perfect in hilarious bloopers taken from the game.
Status: Probably won't continue
[]represent scene,()represent action or other.
[Joanna arives at the dD building]
Daniel:(Over radio)We don't have an image record,and we can't find any official files. All we have is the name. Good luck,Perfect Dark.
(Joanna slides down the rope. It breaks halfway down and she falls.)
Joanna:Ouch...
Director:Cut!
Take 2
Daniel:We don't have an image record,and we can't find any official files. All we have is the name. Good luck,Perfect Dark.
(Joanna slids down the rope,but when she lands,she loses her ballance and falls over onto her arse.)
Director:Cut!
[Joanna in the G5 building]
(Joanna rolls,but misses her mark and hits her head on the support beam she's supposed to hide behind.)
Joanna:Ow! Fuck,that hurt!
Director:Cut!(People go over,help Jo up,and hand her a bag of ice.)Jo,you gonna be ok?
Joanna:I'm alright. I just need a break,and a bit more practice on my aim.
Take 2
(Joanna rolls,hiding successfully behind the support beam. The guard walks by,she steps out,takes aim,and pulls the trigger. Nothing happens*. She pulls the trigger again. Still nothing happens.)
Joanna:Damn! I thought I reloaded this thing.(Laughter from the crew)
Director:Cut! Nice ab lib,Joanna. Prop boy,get the gun to a mechanic.(Prop boy comes on set and takes the gun.)Jo,you can just take a break while we fix it.
[Cassandra DeVries cuts off Joanna's escape route]
(Joanna goes into the room with the light and the fan,and is confronted by Cassandra and her bodyguards,who are pointing guns at her.)
Cassandra:We meet again,girl!(Joanna bursts into laughter)
Joanna:I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Director:Cut!
Take 2
Cassandra:We meet again(Joanna bursts into laughter...again)
Joanna:I'm sorry! Let's just try again. I'm fine.
Director:Cut! Jo,what is so funny?
Joanna:I don't know,it just is!
Take 3
Cassandra:We meet again g--(Joanna hits the floor laughing)Arrgh! I can NOT work like this! I will be in my trailor!
Joanna:(Laughing hystericaly)I need a break.
[Joanna throws a knife at a Skedar]
Joanna:Take this,dinosaur head!(Throws knife. There is a loud crash and Joanna flinches)Sorry.
Director:Cut! Cleanup!
[Cassandra prepeares to create a diversion]
Joanna:Why are you doing this,Cassandra?
Cassandra:The Skeedar used me--
Joanna:(Bursts into laughter)Skeedar?(They both laugh)
Director:Cut!
Take 2
Joanna:Why are you doing this,Cassandra?
Cassandra:The Skedar used me,Joanna. You are my best france(Joanna bursts into hysterical laughter)
Joanna:You should practice your lines more.
Cassandra:(angry)Easy for you to say,Ms. Bursts Into Laughter at Every One of My Lines!
Joanna:(Stops laughing,now angry)What did you say???(Punches Cassandra. Cassandra tackles her and they both start rolling on the floor,biting each other,pulling each other's hair,etc.)
Person off stage:CAT FIGHT!
Director:Cut! Ladies? Ladies,please stop. Please?
Take 3
Joanna:Why are you doing this,Cassandra?
Cassandra:The Skedar used me,Agent Dark.
Joanna:You're supposed to call me Joanna!
Cassandra:What'd I say?
Joanna:Agent Dark.
Director:Cut!
[The mechanic at Pelagic II with a gun]
Mechnic:Die,you traitors!
Joanna:(Points gun at his head)I wouldn't try that.(Pulls trigger. Nothing happens. Joanna pretends to punch the guy,he plays along and falls. Laughter from the crew)You know,that actually felt right! Joanna Dark,Jackie Chan style! Hwa!(Gets into a martial arts-like stance.)
Director:Cut!
[Jonathan's instructions]
Joanna:(Leans on crate)Doesn't sound like a problem--(Crate slides a little bit)woah!(Laughs)It's aliiive!(Laughter from crew)
Director:Cut! Joanna,don't put too much weight on the crate.
Joanna:Sorry 'bout that.
Take 2
Joanna:Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Where are these explosives?
Jonathan:In that crate.(Leans over to push the button,but he loses his balance and grabs the crate for support.)Woah! Sorry!
Director:Cut!
Take 3
Joanna:Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Where are these explosives?
Jonathan:In that crate.(Leans over and pushes the button. The crate floats.)
Joanna:Cute. Very cute.
Jonathan:..........................................Ummmm...uh...line?(Jo makes a frusterated sound)
Director:*Sigh*Cut! We'll take a break! Jonathan,memorize your lines!
[Joanna in the G5 building]
(Jo crouches down on the beam above the floor and crawls across it. As she moves,she loses her balance and falls off.)
Director:Cut!
[The G5 meeting]
Mr. Blond:Then the devices we've given you are working correctly? Good. Because we believe anything which does not work correctly(Voice lowers and scratches)should be destroyed!*Cough cough!*Geez,that's hard on my throat! Can't I have a voice over or something?
Director:Cut! Get Blond some salt water!
[Pelagic II]
(The guard passes Joanna and Elvis. The reaches up and tries to climb over the rail,but she can't pull herself up.)
Joanna:*Grunt*(Looks at Elvis)Well,don't just stand there,give me a boost or something!
Director:Cut!
Take 2
(Joanna gets one leg over,but when she tries to get the other leg,her foot catches on the rail and she trips)
Director:Cut!
Take 3
(Joanna successfully climbs over the rail and grabs Elvis to pull him up,but when she has him really high,she accidently drops him.)
Joanna:Oh my god! I'm so sorry Elvis! Are you all right?(Climbs back over to help Elvis)
Elvis:I'll be ok.
Director:Cut!
[Right before Pelagic II dives]
Joanna:I hope the government don't want to use this ship anytime soon.(Tosses crate to Elvis. There is a bang that shakes the room)
Elvis:Do you think we were a little...heavy handed?
Both:Nah.(Joanna jumps up onto the edge of the ship,but loses her balance and falls off.)
Director:Cut!
*Knowing little about the movie world,I have no idea if these exist,but Joanna has a special effects gun that flashes and makes the sound when she pulls the trigger. Just clerifying things a bit.
Category: Fanfiction, video game, Perfect Dark
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor
Summary: Perfect Dark is not so perfect in hilarious bloopers taken from the game.
Status: Probably won't continue
[]represent scene,()represent action or other.
[Joanna arives at the dD building]
Daniel:(Over radio)We don't have an image record,and we can't find any official files. All we have is the name. Good luck,Perfect Dark.
(Joanna slides down the rope. It breaks halfway down and she falls.)
Joanna:Ouch...
Director:Cut!
Take 2
Daniel:We don't have an image record,and we can't find any official files. All we have is the name. Good luck,Perfect Dark.
(Joanna slids down the rope,but when she lands,she loses her ballance and falls over onto her arse.)
Director:Cut!
[Joanna in the G5 building]
(Joanna rolls,but misses her mark and hits her head on the support beam she's supposed to hide behind.)
Joanna:Ow! Fuck,that hurt!
Director:Cut!(People go over,help Jo up,and hand her a bag of ice.)Jo,you gonna be ok?
Joanna:I'm alright. I just need a break,and a bit more practice on my aim.
Take 2
(Joanna rolls,hiding successfully behind the support beam. The guard walks by,she steps out,takes aim,and pulls the trigger. Nothing happens*. She pulls the trigger again. Still nothing happens.)
Joanna:Damn! I thought I reloaded this thing.(Laughter from the crew)
Director:Cut! Nice ab lib,Joanna. Prop boy,get the gun to a mechanic.(Prop boy comes on set and takes the gun.)Jo,you can just take a break while we fix it.
[Cassandra DeVries cuts off Joanna's escape route]
(Joanna goes into the room with the light and the fan,and is confronted by Cassandra and her bodyguards,who are pointing guns at her.)
Cassandra:We meet again,girl!(Joanna bursts into laughter)
Joanna:I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Director:Cut!
Take 2
Cassandra:We meet again(Joanna bursts into laughter...again)
Joanna:I'm sorry! Let's just try again. I'm fine.
Director:Cut! Jo,what is so funny?
Joanna:I don't know,it just is!
Take 3
Cassandra:We meet again g--(Joanna hits the floor laughing)Arrgh! I can NOT work like this! I will be in my trailor!
Joanna:(Laughing hystericaly)I need a break.
[Joanna throws a knife at a Skedar]
Joanna:Take this,dinosaur head!(Throws knife. There is a loud crash and Joanna flinches)Sorry.
Director:Cut! Cleanup!
[Cassandra prepeares to create a diversion]
Joanna:Why are you doing this,Cassandra?
Cassandra:The Skeedar used me--
Joanna:(Bursts into laughter)Skeedar?(They both laugh)
Director:Cut!
Take 2
Joanna:Why are you doing this,Cassandra?
Cassandra:The Skedar used me,Joanna. You are my best france(Joanna bursts into hysterical laughter)
Joanna:You should practice your lines more.
Cassandra:(angry)Easy for you to say,Ms. Bursts Into Laughter at Every One of My Lines!
Joanna:(Stops laughing,now angry)What did you say???(Punches Cassandra. Cassandra tackles her and they both start rolling on the floor,biting each other,pulling each other's hair,etc.)
Person off stage:CAT FIGHT!
Director:Cut! Ladies? Ladies,please stop. Please?
Take 3
Joanna:Why are you doing this,Cassandra?
Cassandra:The Skedar used me,Agent Dark.
Joanna:You're supposed to call me Joanna!
Cassandra:What'd I say?
Joanna:Agent Dark.
Director:Cut!
[The mechanic at Pelagic II with a gun]
Mechnic:Die,you traitors!
Joanna:(Points gun at his head)I wouldn't try that.(Pulls trigger. Nothing happens. Joanna pretends to punch the guy,he plays along and falls. Laughter from the crew)You know,that actually felt right! Joanna Dark,Jackie Chan style! Hwa!(Gets into a martial arts-like stance.)
Director:Cut!
[Jonathan's instructions]
Joanna:(Leans on crate)Doesn't sound like a problem--(Crate slides a little bit)woah!(Laughs)It's aliiive!(Laughter from crew)
Director:Cut! Joanna,don't put too much weight on the crate.
Joanna:Sorry 'bout that.
Take 2
Joanna:Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Where are these explosives?
Jonathan:In that crate.(Leans over to push the button,but he loses his balance and grabs the crate for support.)Woah! Sorry!
Director:Cut!
Take 3
Joanna:Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Where are these explosives?
Jonathan:In that crate.(Leans over and pushes the button. The crate floats.)
Joanna:Cute. Very cute.
Jonathan:..........................................Ummmm...uh...line?(Jo makes a frusterated sound)
Director:*Sigh*Cut! We'll take a break! Jonathan,memorize your lines!
[Joanna in the G5 building]
(Jo crouches down on the beam above the floor and crawls across it. As she moves,she loses her balance and falls off.)
Director:Cut!
[The G5 meeting]
Mr. Blond:Then the devices we've given you are working correctly? Good. Because we believe anything which does not work correctly(Voice lowers and scratches)should be destroyed!*Cough cough!*Geez,that's hard on my throat! Can't I have a voice over or something?
Director:Cut! Get Blond some salt water!
[Pelagic II]
(The guard passes Joanna and Elvis. The reaches up and tries to climb over the rail,but she can't pull herself up.)
Joanna:*Grunt*(Looks at Elvis)Well,don't just stand there,give me a boost or something!
Director:Cut!
Take 2
(Joanna gets one leg over,but when she tries to get the other leg,her foot catches on the rail and she trips)
Director:Cut!
Take 3
(Joanna successfully climbs over the rail and grabs Elvis to pull him up,but when she has him really high,she accidently drops him.)
Joanna:Oh my god! I'm so sorry Elvis! Are you all right?(Climbs back over to help Elvis)
Elvis:I'll be ok.
Director:Cut!
[Right before Pelagic II dives]
Joanna:I hope the government don't want to use this ship anytime soon.(Tosses crate to Elvis. There is a bang that shakes the room)
Elvis:Do you think we were a little...heavy handed?
Both:Nah.(Joanna jumps up onto the edge of the ship,but loses her balance and falls off.)
Director:Cut!
*Knowing little about the movie world,I have no idea if these exist,but Joanna has a special effects gun that flashes and makes the sound when she pulls the trigger. Just clerifying things a bit.
