first paragraph of my rough draft
Feb. 28th, 2007 08:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sagesariaWriting an English essay; part of the material involved is about my first kiss. I want to know; am I giving TMI with my first paragraph about it, and if so, how could I avoid it and still get the point across?
"I was sixteen, and I was sitting in a hotel lounge in Timonium at two in the morning, with my friends Rowan and Ian. We were talking about the usual subjects; old video games and Japanese anime. Eventually conversation was replaced by silent cuddling, and Ian kissing Rowan, making me feel more than a little uncomfortable. Suddenly Ian turned my head to look at him, and pressed his fuzzy face to mine. I didn’t close my eyes as his tongue went into my mouth, as already my brain was shutting down from the rage of horomones. As he pulled away, I could only mutter an impressed “damn!” and wipe saliva from my lips. An hour later my brain snapped out of it enough to tell me that I was too uncomfortable to stay in the room. At least I waited until I was out of their site to panic and dash to the elevator in confused tears."
"I was sixteen, and I was sitting in a hotel lounge in Timonium at two in the morning, with my friends Rowan and Ian. We were talking about the usual subjects; old video games and Japanese anime. Eventually conversation was replaced by silent cuddling, and Ian kissing Rowan, making me feel more than a little uncomfortable. Suddenly Ian turned my head to look at him, and pressed his fuzzy face to mine. I didn’t close my eyes as his tongue went into my mouth, as already my brain was shutting down from the rage of horomones. As he pulled away, I could only mutter an impressed “damn!” and wipe saliva from my lips. An hour later my brain snapped out of it enough to tell me that I was too uncomfortable to stay in the room. At least I waited until I was out of their site to panic and dash to the elevator in confused tears."
